Handout 7a

 

Answers to the applications page:

 

Question 1: You've an acquaintance who is becoming ever-more-dependent upon you for advice and emotional support to the point that you dread the telephone and/or the doorbell ringing . This friend seems to move from crisis to crisis and you're beginning to feel drained and exhausted from his/hers constant need of support. What would you do to address this situation?

  • You continue to avoid her/him by not answering the door or the phone.
  1. Consequence: You become ever more stressed for being dishonest and the increased hiding you must do.
  • You make excuses as to why you can't talk to them or stay on the phone for hours.
  1. Consequence: You become less tolerant of the person and resent them making you feel as you do about avoiding them.
  • You try again and again to offer sane advice about what they can do to improve their situation but it seems to make no difference.
  1. Consequence: You feel evermore frustrated that nothing you say seems to help this person.
  2. Consequence: Your attitude toward your own friends and family becomes evermore tense thanks to your feelings about your friend's inability to take positive action.
  • The more you empathise with your friend the more she/he seems to need even more understanding.
  1. Consequence: you begin to feel almost numbed to this person's next crisis and can think only of ways to escape her/his neediness.
  • You tell your friend that they can take steps to fix their mess or they can go on as they are but you are no longer willing to support them in their bad decisions.
  1. Possible consequence: (can you live with this if it happens?) Your friend blows up and claims you are not being a friend because a true friend would support them. You lose them as a friend (can you live with that loss?).
  • Your friend refuses to hear from you again and dissolves the friendship.
  1. Possible consequence: You feel guilty and sad because at one time you valued the friendship. (can you live with this worst case scenario?)
  2. Possible consequence: Your friend acknowledges your position and decides to try to follow through on some of the suggestions you've made.
  3. Possible consequence: You and your friend redefine what it means to be a friend and continue to support one another on an equal share basis.
  4. Possible consequence: Your family life improves when the stress of hiding from your friend is removed.
  5. Possible consequence: You and your friend embark on a new kind of friendship where "tough love" is acceptable and even welcomed some of the time.

 

Question 2: You are seeing a psychiatrist or therapist that you are not happy with. Each time you visit him/her you come away feeling worse than when you went for the appointment. What course of action should you take and why?

  • Decide why it is you come away feeling worse than when you went there. Is it because the interviews are cutting too close to the bone?
  1. Can you turn this to your good by questioning your pdoc or therapist more aggressively? (are you afraid of aggression?)
  2. Is your psychiatrist or therapist curt and uncommunicative in general, treating you as though you know little about your own body and reactions? Can you change this by speaking your thoughts and not hiding them?
  • Assume you decide to spit out the truth to this psychiatrist or therapist…what is the worst thing that can happen and what would you do?
    1. Possible worst case consequence: They tell you they can no longer be your mental health care professional if you feel that way.
    2. Possible consequence 2: You have no other options for mental health care except them (or so you think, but you begin the search before leaving this psychiatrist).
    3. Possible consequence 3: They welcome your input and vow to try to improve the communication between the two of you.
    4. Possible consequence 4: The two of you come to a new understanding of what the therapeutic relationship consists of and things greatly improve.
    5. Possible consequence 5: You are feeling much more empowered thanks to having finally expressed your inner thoughts to your psychiatrist or therapist.
    6. Possible consequence 6: If it all falls apart you know you need to find another health professional so how do you do that and where do you look. You expand your options by pursuing every possible avenue or…
    7. You fall apart and assume it's the end of the world and you've no options left (is this real or just where you feel you are at now?)
    8. You pick up the pieces and move forward not letting anything that has happened weigh you down more than just a bit. You opt to be strong and move on.
    9. You lost your old carer, but you feel empowered because you've taken responsibility to find yourself a better one.